Kris Aquino.

Kris Aquino. And how we wish we never knew her.

Who could forget the legendary episode on Deal or No Deal starring this self centered, pretentious, vain host where she actually asked the contestant to exit the stage? Why? Here’s the story for those who weren’t able to watch the episode. The contestant wore a necklace which Kris deemed as the malas in the game. She kept on saying na yun daw talaga ang malas kaya nagcomment ang ibang audience na she is ruining the game. Turns out, may mic pala dun sa may audience and the crew actually heard the negative comment(which were supposed to be harmless in the first place). She knew about it, threatened to give a lower money offer kung hindi palalabasin sa studio yung mga kamag-anak ng contestant na nagsabing Kris is ruining the game. How evil.

And so, moving on..

Haynaku, feel nya talaga sino syang payat at maganda. Lahat nalang ng maliliit na details sa suot mo, bilbil mo, eyebags mo…pinapakialaman nya. Nilalait nya pa nga ang iba. Pati lovelife mo, naku, susungkitin nya pa yan. Sabi ng iba, masyado lang daw talaga syang honest at transparent. Pero hindi, TAKLESA siya. Feel niya lahat natutuwa sa mga sinasabi nya. Pati ang asawa nyang si James Yap eh, minsan na syang napagsabihan. And speaking of James Yap, feel niya kung sino na syang maganda nakakuha lang ng basketbolistang kanguya-nguya. Hahaha. Isang malaking kalokohan. Pag may single o NBSB na player sa game shows nya, she acts as if being such is a curse. She would put on her ohmigod-I’m-so-sorry-for-you face and hold her head up high as if to say “I’m better off than you coz I got a stable boo”. Parang kung sino makapag advice sa lovelife…well, let’s take a look how she worked before nya nakilala si James. Iniwan lang naman sya ng ama ng kanyang anak at nang agaw lang naman sya ng panot na asawang hinawaan sya ng STD. Hay. Kulang nga sya sa atensyon. Pati earrings nya kailangan nya pang iannounce san nya nabili o magkano. Pseudo-religious pa. naku NAPAKAPLASTIK! Kailangan pa ba talagang iannounce na twice sya nagrorosaryo araw2x at na pinipilit rin nya si James na gawin ang pareho?! Yang Game knb episodes nya, sinasabi nyang “you should always pray” pero napaka-impokrita, naniniwala naman sa feng shui! At eto pa. Mahilig talaga sya mag advice na akala mo kung sino santa. Sa Deal or No Deal sinasabi nyang wag suwayin ang sabi ng magulang. Tingnan mo nga naman ang nagsalita! Parang di binilang ilang beses nang umiyak on-screen si Cory dahil isa syang pasaway na anak. Pati political stance di sila nagkakasundo. Si Mark Lapid rin, sinagot nya at binasted on-screen! Walanghiya. Yan kasi ang gusto nya..na siya ang center of attraction lagi. Everytime she has a contestant whose personality is brighter than hers, or is just wilder, or wears something that’s really eye catching that she is shoved to the passing, she isn’t ashamed to display an annoyed face. She even starts getting silent. It’s better that way Kris. Two words: shut up.

These are some excerpts:

“Talaga? Nag pray ka? Baka dito lang kasi maglalaro ka…ah.. you must really pray everyday.”

“Aww…di ka pa nagkagirlfriend? Bakit?” (Tama ba ang tanong na to coupled with a pitiful face?!)

“Are you sure na di ka pa nagkagirlfriend is because pihikan ka? O baka naman, iba ang gusto mo? Aw..but don’t be sad, there’s nothing wrong with being gay!”
“Hindi po talaga ako bakla...”(helpless look)
“It’s okay…really.”

“You know what I bought this jade earrings for like, ten thousand in Hong Kong. I’m so lucky diba?”(How about charity Kris? Where are your Christian Values? Alam mo bang P9.50/week lang ang kinikita ng mga trabahante sa Hacienda Luisita?! May magagawa ka pa sana dun Kris)


*Comments are recommended. Criticisms welcomed. More inputs, glorified.